What do you call a dark or melancholy verse of text?

Poe-etry

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How do you get a Samsung owner to throw their phone out the window?

End your text with "this message will self destruct in 10 seconds"

What did the Irishman text his Wife?

Honey I'm down at the pub having a pint with the lads. Be home in about 30 min. If I'm not back by then please read this message again."