Text Jokes

How do you get a Samsung owner to throw their phone out the window?

End your text with "this message will self destruct in 10 seconds"

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
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What happens when you text while driving?

I don't know, I've never tri

What do you call a dark or melancholy verse of text?

Poe-etry

What did the Irishman text his Wife?

Honey I'm down at the pub having a pint with the lads. Be home in about 30 min. If I'm not back by then please read this message again."

Why did the baker rob the deer park?

He kneaded the doe. (Doesn't work too well in text)

How do you troll someone?

Make them wipe their screen because they think text is a smudge.

What is ISIS's favorite type of text?

Is the answer: A: Heading B: Heading C: Heading

What method did SFML perform when the Human lost to the AI?

Text.GetRect()

What's love?

Me: Well, all the women text you except the one you like. And it hurts, so we drink. Sister: Get away from him!

What do you call a girl who expects a guy to do everything for her, make all the first moves, and text her first every day?

SINGLE

Why does a billionaire need a Bat signal?

He is in a cave. How does he even see the signal Why won't you just text him

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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Why is r/Jokes only text, and forbids external links?

Because black people can't be offended if they're only reading jokes.

When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone's numbers again, I text them: "Guess who?

for 2 weeks.

Whose bad idea was it to text him a 4th time just in case his phone was being weird?

Tequila, I'm looking at you.

What's the difference between a Surrey girl and a washing machine?

When you drop a load in a washing machine it doesn't text you every hour for a week.

What do you do at a red light?

Me: "I usually respond to texts and check my Twitter."

How'd you sleep?

Him: *texts* Horrible...I was tossing and turn- Me: *crawls out from under his bed* I KNOW, YOU POOR THING.

When a guy texts "your beautiful," reply with "my beautiful what?

then laugh and laugh and never talk to that nice idiot again.

What is it with people who text and drive?

I swear to god the next time I see this happen, I'll roll down my window and throw my beer at them.

What's worse?

Receiving a text from your girlfriend saying that you're breaking up or receiving a second text after saying that it was supposed to be for someone else

What does the interrupting cow say?

HE SAYS MOO oh wait this joke totally doesn't work in text

Why does it take you forever to text me back?

3 hours later* Her: What are you talking about

Why didn't you text me?

I'll never call you back. Like, ever. You'd have better luck with a telegram.

What state has the highest cell phone bills?

A: Text-us

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Suppose Jokes More Suppose Jokes

Why will Michael B Jordan make a bad Human Torch?

Because it's supposed to be the Fantastic Four, not the Fantastic Fo'!

Which nation doesn't do what it's supposed to do until it's too late?

Procrastination!

Read Jokes More Read Jokes

How many Carpathians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know, Vigo and see. (best read in Yanosh's voice)

Why did Helen Keller stop cleaning her dishes?

She was running out of things to read.

Problem Jokes More Problem Jokes

What's the difference between a problem and a challenge?

A: A student repsonds, "3 boys + 1 girl = problem. 1 boy + 3 girls = challenge."

What seems to be th- Me: -Medicinal marijuana! Doc: I'm sorry?

Me: Let's start with the answer, then work on the problem, ok

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happened when the Mrs. Smith's truck collided with the Tastykake truck?

Pyrex

What happens when you scare an old lady?

Depends.

10 Second Jokes More 10 Second Jokes

How do you get a Samsung owner to throw their phone out the window?

End your text with "this message will self destruct in 10 seconds"

What's the worst thing about running 100 meters in less than 10 seconds?

Being black.

I Pad Jokes More I Pad Jokes

What's 9 and a half inches long and satisfies all c*nts?

An iPad.

What do you get when you have barbie dolls standing in a line?

A barbie queue (BBQ)! Also, I made a quick sketch on my iPad. I found the genesis to this joke as a text note in my Evernote this morning, after what seemed like a night of free flow beers. Feel free to downvote me to oblivion.

Feel Jokes More Feel Jokes

Why did the horror fan switch off Cujo?

Because he felt like IT

What do you call Iron Man when he is feeling sad?

A bit of a Downey

Window Jokes More Window Jokes

What does 1+1=?

Window.

What do space aliens put on their windows?

A: Venutian blinds.