What do you do at a red light?

Me: "I usually respond to texts and check my Twitter."

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Red Light Jokes More Red Light Jokes

Why do we have to sit at red lights if nobody's coming the other way?

We don't have to pay our taxes if nobody's checking, right

What did the Red light say to the Green light?

Don't look at me I'm changing!

Check Jokes More Check Jokes

Why is everyone smiling at me today?

checks fly* *no pants* Aaaah.

How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Uh...standby I'll check on that.

Twitter Jokes More Twitter Jokes

What did I do before Twitter?

Well, there's my family and......OH MY GOD WHERE'S MY FAMILY ! !

Where're you going?

Me: To dinner with my friends! Mom: Your friends Me: I'm going to use McDonalds' free Wifi to get on twitter...

Respond Jokes More Respond Jokes

Why did my husband die?

Doctor responds: "Heavy drug use, ma'am" Widow: "But doctor, my husband didn't use drugs!" Doctor: "I know, but I did"

What is closer the moon or London?

To what the dad responds all serious: Do you see London from here

Text Jokes More Text Jokes

What method did SFML perform when the Human lost to the AI?

Text.GetRect()

Why didn't you text me?

I'll never call you back. Like, ever. You'd have better luck with a telegram.