What did I do before Twitter?

Well, there's my family and......OH MY GOD WHERE'S MY FAMILY ! !

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Family Jokes More Family Jokes

Whats the difference between a Mexican and a Pizza?

A pizza can feed a family of four. Im sorry if I've offended any pizzas.

What's the difference between a raft guide and a large pizza?

A large pizza can feed a family.

Twitter Jokes More Twitter Jokes

How much ice does it take to preserve a dead body?

I ask on twitter because googling it gets people caught.

Why are Twitter jokes not as funny when you read them aloud to a friend?

It's not like they had to be there...

God Jokes More God Jokes

What's the difference between God and a Welder?

God doesn't think he's a Welder.

What'd you call this again?

Alien Chef: OH MY GOD YOU ATE MY GRANDMOTHER!