What is it with people who text and drive?

I swear to god the next time I see this happen, I'll roll down my window and throw my beer at them.

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Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happens when everyone in the country takes a pee at the same time?

What happens when everyone in the country takes a pee at the same time? Urine-nation!

What if earth rotates 30 times faster?

Interviewer:"If the Earth rotates 30 times faster, what will happen?" engineer:"We will get our salary everyday" :D Think Greedily Act Confidently

People Jokes More People Jokes

Why doesn't Connecticut have a name for it people?

What I mean is that people from NY are New Yorkers, people from California are Californian, and coincidentally people from Colorado and Washington are Potheads.

Why aren't these people with Ebola doing the ice bucket challenge?

Don't they want to get better

Throw Jokes More Throw Jokes

Why did the frat boy throw away his curtains?

He was trying to get some Natural Light.

What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?

Throw in your laundry.

Window Jokes More Window Jokes

Why won't Microsoft hire any maids?

Because they don't do Windows

Why did microsoft go directly to windows 10?

Because windows 7 8 9

Roll Jokes More Roll Jokes

What kind of car does a Japanese chef drive?

Rolls Rice

What do you call a woman rolling around on a beach?

Sandy

God Jokes More God Jokes

What do you call an awkward questioner?

I don't KNOW, that's why I **asked** you. God.

What did the sun god say in apology for all he had done wrong?

I Apollogize".

Beer Jokes More Beer Jokes

What did the German physicist use to drink his beer?

Ein stein. - From Big Nate, as told by my kid.

Why do American beer companies always advise that their beer should be served cold?

So you can tell it apart from urine

Text Jokes More Text Jokes

What did the Irishman text his Wife?

Honey I'm down at the pub having a pint with the lads. Be home in about 30 min. If I'm not back by then please read this message again."

Why does a billionaire need a Bat signal?

He is in a cave. How does he even see the signal Why won't you just text him

Swear Jokes More Swear Jokes

What disease causes people to swear at the dinner table?

Gilles de la gourmette

Why did the nun swear when she got her new outfit?

It was a bad habit.