Lot Jokes

Why does Willem Dafoe play a villain in a lot of movies?

Duh. Cause he's da foe.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Coffee Mug

What do women and the stock market have in common?

If you don't pull out in time, it will cost you a lot of money. My boss said he made this up on the spot yesterday. Never heard it before so I figured I'd post it.

What does a depressed girl do when she needs to get a lot of work done?

She takes Sadderall.

Why doesn't the ant ever get sick?

He has lots of antibodies.

What did the painter say to the paint can?

A lot of good you are . (the joke is that the paint can is empty)

What does a boat have in common with a ballsack?

They both have a lot of seamen

This joke may have profanity.

What do you call a Chinese speaking person who complains a lot?

wo ai ni

How many dogs does it take to count 14 plates?

14, maybe 15, but only if the plates ... 'run around a lot!'

How did the muslim get cancer?

By smoking a lot of fags.

Why do a lot of tech recruiters have herpes?

Because they look for contributors to open sores.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A lot, apparently. Have you seen their new building?

What kind of farm has lots of books but no livestock?

Barns and no-bulls. (This joke was made up by my 7 year-old cousin.)

What does a high school dance have in common with the parking lot at a Keith Urban concert?

Lots of bad pickup lines.

Why the turnout at Michael Jackson's funeral?

He touched a lot of people.

Why can't Bernie Sanders win the election?

Because 12 year olds can't vote. Edit: I'm actually somewhat of a Bernie supporter, I'm just joking about how he has a lot of youth backing him.

What do you call someone with lots of imaginary friends?

Schizofriendic

What has 2 legs and bleeds a lot?

Half a cat.

Why was the ink happy?

Because it had its in-de-pen-dance. I'm posting lots of really bad jokes tonight that just appear in my head, if just one person enjoys just one joke is worth it, good evening.

What does Facebook and a conversation between two teenagers have in common?

A lot of likes

What's the difference between RPGs and Drunken Style Kung Fu?

In the first, you must drink a lot of liquids before battle, but in the latter, you only pretend.

What's a good thing about a novelist conman?

He may have a lot of cons, but he also has a lot of prose.

What's the difference between a race car and a woman?

One costs a lot of money to maintain, keep running, and give you the results you want. The other has four wheels.

What do you calla brown guy that asks a lot of question?

A curry-ous guy

Why do whales have really good immune systems?

They consume a lot of vitamin SEA!

What do your mom and Poland have in common?

a lot of countries have been inside her.

What makes cows and horses so valuable?

They have a lot of moo/neigh.

What do you get when you mix an octopus and a Mexican?

I don't know, but it sure can wash a lot of dishes.

Why do Redditors get excited when a tornado rips down miles of fences?

Because there is a lot of reposting to do.

How does Planned Parenthood paint their walls?

They go to Home Depot, get paint and rollers Sometimes they hire private contractors Lots of paint and tarps and tape, it's not that fun

What is Facebook?

Its a Place where Boy posts a JOKE and Gets no Response & If a Girl Posts the same JOKE , She gets Hundreds of likes , comments and Friend Requests and Lots of PM's .

What is the difference between my ex-girlfriend and a beer?

One is pale, bitter and starts off with lots of head and the other one is a beer.

Who ate a lot and conquered Rome?

Atilla the Hungry.

How many Mexican clowns can you fit in a car?

No, seriously. Cuz I bet it's a lot

What did the blonde's left leg say to her right leg?

Between the two of us we can make a lot of money.

Why did Jared go to a Goat farm?

Why did Jared go to a Goat farm? He heard there was lots of Kids there.

Why do black people wear lots of chains?

It's a habit that stuck from when they were slaves.

What do you call a promiscuous woman who travels a lot?

Abroad.

Why do priests have lots of kids?

They always use the holy condoms.

What do you get when you mix a Mexican and an octopus?

I don't know, but it sure can wash a lot of dishes.

Why are dogs in a lot of pain?

Because they chew balls.

What do you call a guy in a lot of debt?

Owen.

How do you know Bono is selfish?

He does a lot of Pro-Bono work.

What has two legs and bleeds a lot?

Half a dog

How many tries does it take to get to the front page?

A LOT.

What do you call an Asian who breaks a lot of wind?

Fa Ting

Why do Klingons feel very little pain?

They produce a lot of endworfins.

Why is taking spanish 2 so awesome?

You get a lot of puse.

Why did the guy get aroused by the highway?

Because there were lots of turn ons.

What do you call an intersection where a lot of Asians cross?

A cross-wok.

What does The Lion King have a lot of?

Simbalism

What has two holes and smells a lot?

Your nose

Why did the Computer Engineer retire young?

He had a lot of cache.

How do bunny rabbits like their beer brewed?

With lots of hops!

Why was the haunted mansion self conscious?

Because it got a lot of creepy stairs. FML.

What did the author of The Lord Of The Rings say after he completed his books?

If you like dialogue, theres a whole lot of Tolkein.

What's the difference between a telemarketer and a man with a multiphobic personality?

One gets lots of annoyed hangups, the other has a lot of annoying hangups.

What does a fashionable criminal always make sure they have a lot of?

Accessories

What's your favorite medical joke?

I've memorized a lot of jokes from a previous "doctor joke" thread, and need some fresh material!

What do you call a woman who wants lots of compensation?

Sue.

How many bricks do you need to screw in a lightbulb?

Just two, but you're going to need a lot of patience and light bulbs.

Why are there a lot of problem gamblers in the Harry Potter universe?

Because they have a quidditch.

Why don't paperclips move around a lot?

They like being stationery.

Why do cows never walk out of horror movies?

They're able to stomach a lot.

What do you call a rapper who masterbates a lot?

Lil Wayne-ker

What do you have to know to be an auctioneer?

Lots

How do you know Stephen Hawking has jungle fever?

He knows a lot about black holes

Why are a lot of Italians named Tony?

Because as they got on the boat to leave Italy, they were stamped on the head, "TO NY".

Why do we need to go to college?

Student: Why do we need to go to college? Teacher: So we can get a high paying job Student: Why do we need a high paying job Teacher: So we can get lots of money Student: Why do we need lots of money Teacher: So we can pay off our college loans

What's the difference between a feminist and a dentist's drill?

One causes a lot of pain and makes a constant high pitched whine. The other is a useful piece of medical equipment.

What did the car said to the valet?

I've been through a lot.

How are doctors so well tempered even under heavy stress?

They have a lot of patients

What do you get when Steve Jobs hires and fires a lot of people in six months?

A: An Apple turnover.

What do you have to know to be a real estate salesman?

Lots.

Why was the math book sad?

It had a lot of problems

Why aren't kids under the age of 18 allowed to watch videos about duck calls without the consent of a parent?

Because they contain a lot of fowl language.

How do you make a hippopotamus float?

2 hippos and a LOT of root beer.

What do you calla person that inherits a lot of money?

A millionheir.

How did the hail stone describe it's life?

It really has a lot of ups and downs

What is a childs's favourite type of Halloween candy?

Lots a candy.

Why did the kid with muscular dystrophy want to be an astronaut, a doctor, a lawyer, and a NASCAR driver when he grew up?

He had a lot of aspirations.

You might also enjoy:

College Jokes More College Jokes