What do you call a projectile that is very good at finding friends?

A homie missile.

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How can you tell a woman is having a bad day?

She has a tampon behind her ear and can't find her cigarette

Why did the banana go out with the prune?

Because he couldn't find a date.

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What's the worst thing to say to a friend you see on a plane?

Hi Jack!

What's worse than 9/11?

311 Credit goes to my friend Max.