Why are negative parabolas so introverted?

They have a hard time opening up

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Who is a man's best friend?

The sock, he's always there in hard times.

Why do physicists have such a hard time figuring out why their experiments fail Monday through Thursday?

Causal fridays.

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What did the little girl say when opened up a box of Cheerios?

Awww, look daddy, doughnut seeds!!!

How do you open a door underwater?

You swimming pull