What did the rich bald man want before he died?

Heairs.

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What do you want on your tombstone?

Pepperoni and cheese.

What are you going to do for a face?

When the monkey wants its bum back? :D

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Why are there no cats on Mars?

Because there is no oxygen and they'd die from UV radiation, you idiot.

What does my mom and a turkey have in common?

They both died on Thanksgiving