What did the suicidal college student say to his room mate?

Dont leave me hangin' bro

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Why did the dyslexic butcher feel left out?

He felt like he just didn't belong-a (bologna)

How do you get someone with a doctorate in philosophy to leave your house?

Just pay for your pizza.

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What's up, Chad?

he'll be all "Whoa... How'd you know my name, bro "

What did one statue say to the other statue he hadn't seen in a while?

Statue bro?"

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What did the suicidal college student say to his room mate?

Dont leave me hangin' bro

What do Hillary supporters call their room mate?

Nurse.