What did Wilford Brimley say to his wife when he found out she was pregnant?

You have diafetus

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Which perfume do you use ?

It smells good. I want to buy one for my wife." Lady: "Please don't. Some idiot will have an excuse to talk to her."

Why do you want to be buried at sea?

Because my wife says she wants to dance on my grave.

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What is the name of the flower you find between your nose and your chin?

A: Tulips.

How do we confirm life on another planet?

If you find a rare Pepe drawn the disk.