What do conspiracy nuts do to fall asleep?

They count sheeple.

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How many hipsters does it take to...?

Bazinga! nobody cares! you fell for one of my practical jokes again.

What do you call a guy who falls into a Yellowstone hot spring?

Stew.

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Why is it so hard to keep track of counting in Afghanistan?

Because of the Taliban (say it out loud)

Why are modern women more likely to pursue a STEM degree?

They need to learn scientific notation to keep track of their n-count.