What happens when a linguist gets sick?

Plosive diarrhea

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How'd you sleep last night?

Son says: "umm... With my eyes closed " Edit: This actually happened btw. Probably funnier irl.

What do you call a skydiving tonsil who's afraid that something bad might happen?

Paranoid!

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What did the Pilipino orphan boy say to the linguist who wanted to adopt him?

I'll tagalog!

What happens when a linguist gets sick?

Plosive diarrhea