What's the most intense part of your work out?

Me: Getting into my sports bra.

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Why did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth?

He ate his pizza before it was cool. (Written anonymously in the bathroom at work, a pizza joint.)

Why did you leave your last job?

I had a typo in a tweet. "Mistakes happen!" -I worked for Yahoo Finance. "Thanks for coming in. Bye"