Why can't there be some sort of mathematic formula for making friends?

A squadratic formula, if you will.

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Which trees have the most friends?

The poplar ones.

What do you call a pot smoker that spends every night dancing and drinking with his friends?

A Rastapartying

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What sort of shoes to ninjas wear?

Sneakers.

What sort of clothes does a pet dog wear ?

A petticoat !