How can you tell if a road is sad?

It has low shoulders.

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What did the hippy say when he was told to get off the couch and get a job?

Namaste (pronounced:nah I'ma stay)

What do you do with percussionists that lose one of their drumsticks?

A: Stick them up front of the group and tell them to wave their arms!

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How did the dead baby get across the road?

Me: How Her: It was stapled to the chicken. Me: .....

Why did the dog cross the road?

A: Because it was the chickens day off.