How did the blonde die ice-fishing?

A. She was run over by the zambonis machine.

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What did the dolphin say when he ran into the sea turtle?

Sorry, I didn't do it on porpoise."

Howdo you stop a baby from running in circles?

Nail its other hand to the floor.

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How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch?

A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the ducks.

What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?

A. Put the remote control between his toes.