How did the set react when it heard about the Russell Paradox?

It couldn't contain itself.

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What's the difference between a political speech and a stand-up comic show?

They both tell the audience what they are glad to hear. But at the end, the audience laughs at the comic, and the politician laughs at the audience.

What's the funniest joke you've heard that can be told to a 5th grader?

I always loved this one: (works better said out loud of course) What do you call a fish with no eyes ... A FSHHH

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Why do baked bean cans contain only 239 beans?

Because if they had one more, they would be 240.

Why did Tim Tebow's mom protest against the Russian soup truck?

It contained a borscht ton.