Contain Jokes

What's long, hard and bendable and contains the letters p, e, n, i, s?

Your spine.

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What movie contains the most micro aggressions?

Ant Man

What do Canadian banks and psych wards have in common?

They both contain locked up loonies!

What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter?

an Envelope EDIT: My deepest Canadian apologies to those who are calling this a riddle. I always took it as a cheesy joke

Why do baked bean cans contain only 239 beans?

Because if they had one more, they would be 240.

How many communists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: None. Each lightbulb contains the means of its own revolution.

Which gospel contains Jesus' parable about the shades of numbers?

Math hue.

Why did Tim Tebow's mom protest against the Russian soup truck?

It contained a borscht ton.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a newspaper bag?

One is made of plastic and poses a suffocation hazard to small children. The other one contains newspapers.

How did the set react when it heard about the Russell Paradox?

It couldn't contain itself.

Why aren't kids under the age of 18 allowed to watch videos about duck calls without the consent of a parent?

Because they contain a lot of fowl language.

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How many Marxists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

What body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p, e, n, i, s?

Spine

What's wrong with a joke containing Cobalt, Radon and Yttrium?

It's CoRnY

What do you call a folder on FBI's servers that contains all the intel on known child molesters?

A Pedo File.

What do you call a restaurant that sells food that contains weed?

McBongald's

Why did people use insulation containing deadly toxins?

It was asbestos they could do at the time!

How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

What did they say about the computer at the Bunny Ranch?

It may contain viruses.

What starts with a 'C', contains the letters U, N, and T, is hairy on the outside, and soft on the inside?

A coconut!

What two words contain the most letters?

A: Post office.

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Weed Jokes More Weed Jokes

What do you call someone addicted to both crack and weed?

A rockin' roller.

What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who likes to smoke weed ?

A baked potato

Bake Jokes More Bake Jokes

What does Beyonce bake her cookies on?

Aluminatti foil

How many Blondes does it take to bake chocolate chip cookies?

10....one to bake the cookies, and 9 to peel the M&Ms

Movie Jokes More Movie Jokes

Why didn't the blondes go to the movies on one buck night?

A: They couldn't fit a deer into the car.

How can you tell the dumbest actress working on a movie?

A: She's the one sleeping with the writer.

Letter Jokes More Letter Jokes

Why is the letter T like an island?

Because its in the middle of water!!!

What is the difference between a human dad and a moth dad?

Two letters.

Tupperware Container Jokes More Tupperware Container Jokes

What do a walrus and a Tupperware container have in common?

They both like a tight seal.

How are a tupperware container and a walrus alike?

They both like a tight seal.

Tight Seal Jokes More Tight Seal Jokes

Why did The Walrus go to a Tupperware party?

He wanted to find a tight seal.

What do Eskimos and Tupperware have in common?

They both like a tight seal!

Carry Jokes More Carry Jokes

Who's the most popular guy in the nudist camp?

The one who can carry two cups of coffee AND a dozen donurs!

How do you get a Mexican across the border using only math?

Carry the Juan

Cast Jokes More Cast Jokes

How Dave Grohl spent his night in his hotel room after the concert in Gothenburg, Sweden?

He watched movie Cast Away (starring Tom Hanks) and ate some potato chips.

What mythological monster casts no reflection?

A: All of them.