How do you get a cellist to play fortissimo?

A: Write 'pp espressivo'.

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Why couldn't Robin play cricket?

Because he lost his bat, man.

What did Johann Sebastian Bach do when someone steam-rolled his organ?

He played a flat baroque piece!

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Why did the cellist have to sell his instrument?

He was baroque.

How do you get a cellist to play fortissimo?

A: Write 'pp espressivo'.