How do you know when a hiptser is a good secret agent?

You've never heard of him.

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How do you know you're always about to have fun in the company of an octopus?

Because it's always ten-to-cool time...

Why does everyone care who Tom Brady voted for?

What we really wanna know is who Ja Rule voted for. WHERE IS JA !

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What does Bill Cosby do when he can't sleep at night?

He finishes her drink EDIT: Apparently this is Conan's joke, so all credit goes to him. I just heard it from a friend of mine and I had no idea.

Why is the moon so bright?

Me: "It's not, it's pretty dim actually." Moon: "I heard that."