How does a hipster measure out his drugs?

Using instagrams.

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What do you use to compare and contrast nordic cultures?

A Sven diagram!

Why doesn't anyone in insert nations capital use the toilet in the morning?

So they have something to do at night.

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What performance enhancing drugs do penguins use?

Polaroids

Why do pills bottles have cotton in them?

So they can remind black people the picked cotton before they sold drugs.