How does J.G. Wentworth tell you that he's hungry?

It's my tummy, and I feed it NOW!"

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Why do you Americans drive on the wrong side of the road?

I told him, "Dude, we literally drive on the right side."

Why couldn't the Pokemon tell a joke?

Because he fainted.

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What do call you someone who feeds on comatose patients and pizza?

A vegetarian.

What's the difference between a large pepperoni pizza and an Art History degree?

The pizza can feed a family of four.