How does the balance sheet of a bank look like as of today?

On the left side there's nothing right and on the right side there's nothing left...

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Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

How to spot the toughest guy in jail?

He still has some whistle left in his fart.

Why didn't Edward leave his house?

Because he was Snowden.

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

What are you gonna do today?

Me: Shower. W: ...what else M: Make a new iTunes playlist. W: Wow. M: Might not have time for a shower.

What kinds of vegetables did Ghandi prefer?

Peace and carrots... Thought this up at work today. I'm sure it's been done before but it made me chuckle...

Right Jokes More Right Jokes

Why did the blonde only smell good on the right side?

A: She didn't know where to buy Left Guard!

Why could the drunk man only move left?

The officer hadn't read him his rights.