What do you call the most successful vasectomist in American history?

American Snipper

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Why do so many American kids die in school shootings?

They're not allowed to run in the halls.

How do you tell if someone online is American?

They keep their caps locked and guns loaded. (Not the best and not original)

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What do you call the most successful vasectomist in American history?

American Snipper

What two things look exactly the opposite but mean exactly the same?

9/11 and 11/9 - darkest days in American history