What is the definition of an optimist?

A: An accordion player with a pager.

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What is the definition of a Barbarian?

It's someone who cuts hair in a library.

What is the definition of a polar bear?

A: A rectangular bear after a coordinate transformation.

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What is the difference between Russian Optimist Pessimist and Realist?

An Optimist learns German. A Pessimist learns Chinese. A Realist learns AK-47.

What did the optimist say to his doctor when he found out he had lung cancer?

Well, I'll deal with this asbestos I can!"