What's been in the works for 7000 days and has barely made any progress?

Me

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Work Jokes More Work Jokes

What is black and doesn't work?

Decaffeinated coffee.

What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?

Guardians of the galaxy

Progress Jokes More Progress Jokes

What can you say to your trainer that will compliment then on your progress and also be wildly inappropriate?

You make me hard

What's the opposite of progress?

congress.