What's it like to have a social life?

Asking for a friend.

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Why don't pediatricians like to wait?

Because they have little patients.

What would you like it to be ?

A joke .

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Why did the college student ask for a refund on his student loan?

Because his *degree* didn't work!

Why are you crying Ted ?

asked his mum. 'Because my new sneakers hurt.' 'That's because you have put them on the wrong feet.' 'But they are the only feet I have.'

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Why did my friend get a screw in her pizza?

She is allergic to nuts.

What do you call a pot smoker that spends every night dancing and drinking with his friends?

A Rastapartying