When you wife asked you to buy her car, why did you buy her a diamond instead?

Because I couldn't find a fake car."

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Car Jokes More Car Jokes

How do you know a car is from Poland?

The Polish.

Why can't Helen Keller drive a car?

Because she's dead.

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What kind of birds do you usually find locked up ?

Jail-birds !

What should you do if you find a snake sleeping in your bed ?

Sleep in the wardrobe !

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How do you make an ugly kid?

Go ask your mother Courtesy of a hot dog vendor in Atlanta

When Lil John goes to a hotel and they ask him if he wants turn down service, does he refuse?

That's all.

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What are the first words Jared Fogle's girlfriend said to him?

Would you like to buy some girl scout cookies, sir?"

Why did Karl Marx always buy cheap tea?

Because he believed that all proper tea was theft.

Diamond Jokes More Diamond Jokes

Why do we say dogs are man's best friend? Why not say dogs are man's and woman's best friend?

Because diamonds are a woman's best friend.

How does a man keep his youth?

A: By giving her money furs and diamonds.