Why didn't the conspiracy theorist make his irreverently named pet sleep outside?

Because 9/11 was an inside dog.

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What's the difference between PirateBay and 9/11?

One is piracy and the other is CONSpiracy

What's your emer- She said don't get her anything for Valentine's Day! 911: And you didn't?

No! 911: Placing you in protective custody.

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What does a conspiracy theorist say when he breaks up with someone?

I think we should start seeing other sheeple."

How many conspiracy theorists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

We may never know the truth.