Why have human fossils never been found in Iran?

Because homos in Iran do not exist.

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How do you find Illuminati's secret hideout?

You triangulate their position!

Why didn't Sean Connery get his roof fixed?

He said he "couldn't find a shingle person to do it."

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What's the difference between UFOs and an honest politician?

It is possible that UFOs exist.

How do you broach the sensitive religious topic about the possibility a human soul might not actually exist?

Gingerly.

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What did I do when I had a bomb strapped to me chest?

Iran

What's Hillary's thoughts about her campaign?

Iran, Iraq, I lost