Why is Texas the "Lone Star" state?

It was rated out of five.

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Why is it illegal for a person living in Virginia to be buried in Texas?

because they're still alive.

What's the difference between Texas and Russia?

One's a disgusting cesspool full of paranoid, bigoted, anti-American sadists, and the other is really cold.

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Why couldn't the kid see the pirate movie?

Because it was rated arrr!

What do you rate Megan Fox out of 10?

Friend: 9 Me: 9? I'll give her one..