How alcoholic is a drink that's guaranteed to get you drunk?

Fool proof!

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What happened to the man who died from drinking Shellac?

He had a *lovely finish*.

Where does a Martian go for a drink?

A Mars Bar

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Where is the best place to screw a Mt. Goat?

The edge of a cliff, you are guaranteed she will push back!

Why are so many computer scientists atheists?

Because praying for a bug fix is guaranteed to fail.