How do you keep an idiot busy?

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How do you start a conversation with a bunch of idiots?

HELLLOOOOO AMERICA!

How do you keep idiots waiting?

I'll tell you later

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What is the difference between my girlfriend and a washing machine?

After I dump my load in a washing machine it doesn't follow me around.

What about the two old ladies who brought a bottle of whiskey to the baseball game?

At the bottom of the fifth the bags were loaded.