How does a psychic cokehead tell the future?

With a magic 8-ball

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What did the boy tell the priest in the confessional?

Nothing. It's rude to talk with your mouth full.

What did the groundhog's trainer tell him before the Olympics?

Gopher gold.

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How long does 8 sleep for?

Forever.

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

Apparently not 8

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What do free masons do when they want to make a frame-by-frame remake of "Back to the Future"?

They Hire 'Em A Biff!

What do you call gas from the human body that NASA could impliment into fuel for their technology in the future?

Rocket Farts.