How does a witch tell time?

With a witchwatch.

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How can you tell if somebody's run a marathon?

Wait 15 seconds, they'll tell you.

How do you tell the difference between a Sunni and a Shiite Muslim?

The Sunni's are the ones with the Shiite blown out of them.

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How did the hour and minute hands of the clock get cancer?

Second hand smoking! My own joke that I've been meaning to put up for a while. Time to see how it goes haha.

How do zombies communicate in times of war?

Cryptic code.

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How do witches lose weight?

They join weight witches.

What happened when the witch went for a job as a TV presenter?

The producer said she had the perfect face for radio.