What came in the mail today?

Anthrax.

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What letters are not in the alphabet?

The ones in the mail of course!

What did the terrorist send in the mail?

A CAIR package.

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What did Mrs Revere say when Paul got on a gorilla to warn the farmers that the British were coming?

Paul stop monkeying around!

How do you like going to school?

Son: The going bit is fine as is the coming home bit too but I'm not too keen on the time in-between!

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What would Marilyn Monroe be doing if she were alive today?

Clawing at the inside of her coffin.

How do you please all the people?

Tell them Ellen Pao has stepped down as of today!