What do you call a deaf chick in bed?

Anything you want

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How can you tell when it's time to go to bed at Michael Jacksons house?

When the big hand touches the little hand

What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog asleep on your bed?

Sleep on the sofa.

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Why didn't Natalie Wood take a shower on the boat?

She wanted to wash up on shore

Why did the man put his money in the freezer?

A:('He wanted cold hard cash!')