What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog asleep on your bed?

Sleep on the sofa.

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Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?

Wait, I can explain everything!

What did the agnostic, dyslexic insomniac do?

Lay awake in bed wondering if there really is a dog.

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

What happened to German Orphans after WW2?

Did they ever get back on the Reich track (I saw the post in /r/history earlier and was disappointed to find it was a serious question. I fixed it.)

Where would you find more Leifs than in a forest?

Valhalla.

Sleep Jokes More Sleep Jokes

When do cows go to sleep?

Pasture bedtime.

Why did the hipster go to bed early?

Because he sleeps before it gets cool.

Sofa Jokes More Sofa Jokes

Why is a sofa like a roast chicken ?

Because they're both full of stuffing !

What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog asleep on your bed?

Sleep on the sofa.

500 Pound Jokes More 500 Pound Jokes

What does a 500 pound parakeet say?

TWEET!!!

What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog asleep on your bed?

Sleep on the sofa.