What do you call someone with March Madness who doesn't even like basketball?

A hypochondriac

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Why won't pigs take up jogging?

They don't like to get that far from the table.

Why do hippies like to swim way offshore?

Cause it's far out, man

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Why was Saint Peter so good at basketball?

He denied Jesus 3 times

Why doesn't Jesus play basketball?

He got crossed up.

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What do you call someone with March Madness who doesn't even like basketball?

A hypochondriac

Why don't hypochondriacs... Why don't hypochondriacs use lighters?

They're afraid of catching fire!