Hypochondriac Jokes

Why do health magazines targeting hypochondriacs have so much trouble maintaining subscriber levels?

Because none of their readers believe them when they receive a warning that it's their final issue.

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Why is it so easy to trust a hypochondriac?

Because none of their plans are ill-conceived.

What do you call someone with March Madness who doesn't even like basketball?

A hypochondriac

Why don't hypochondriacs... Why don't hypochondriacs use lighters?

They're afraid of catching fire!

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Like Jokes More Like Jokes

Why didn't Jesus like to play hockey?

He didn't like getting nailed to the boards.

What kind of pizza does Lil Wayne like?

Little seizures.

Lighter Jokes More Lighter Jokes

Why don't hypochondriacs... Why don't hypochondriacs use lighters?

They're afraid of catching fire!

Why do stoners carry lighters everywhere?

Because they don't have legs to walk, man.

Receive Jokes More Receive Jokes

What is the best way to receive downvotes on reddit?

Wohahaha! That was funny! XD

What workplace benefit do ebola quarantine nurses receive?

Hazardous doodie pay!

Trouble Jokes More Trouble Jokes

Why do few black people have a PhD?

They have trouble getting past their masters.

Why does Luke Skywalker never have trouble getting laid?

Because he always uses the force.

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

What products do you use for grooming?

she asked me. Her face looked quite taken aback when I said, "Facebook"

Why are people from Arkansas so good at Science?

Because they use the Theory of Relativity to find a partner.

Conceive Jokes More Conceive Jokes

Why is it so easy to trust a hypochondriac?

Because none of their plans are ill-conceived.

Why is an abortionist good to have on your team?

If you conceive something, they can execute it.

Target Jokes More Target Jokes

Why don't terrorists shop at Walmart?

They prefer a Target.

Why couldn't the rocketeer hit her target?

Because they were too Phar-ah way. I'm not sorry.

Trust Jokes More Trust Jokes

Why can't you trust a snowman?

Because they're all a bunch of flakes

Why can't you ever trust a cat?

Because they are always lion