Trust Jokes

Why can you never trust a car made in the Soviet Union?

They keep Lenin to the left, and Stalin.

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Why couldn't anyone trust the snowman to do anything?

He was kinda flakey

Why cant you trust an atom?

Because they make up literally everything

Why should you never trust someone straight after coitus?

Usually they're lying

Why couldnt you trust Castros wife?

Because at one point, she was infidel. Ok ill leave now

Why should you never trust someone giving away batteries?

There's no charge.

What's worse than a poke in the eye with a hot stick?

Nothing. Trust me.

Why can't you trust 8?

cause she's a two-timin' four.

Why can't you trust girls?

because you can't trust something that bleeds for days and doesn't die.

Why can't you trust stairs?

Because they are always up to something.

How much do I trust reddit?

I went on before seeing the new Star Wars.

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Why can't siamese twins be trusted to render fair judgments?

Because they're always partial. I'm so sorry.

How's a fart and a teenager alike?

Because once you go to sleep, you can't trust either of them to not sneak out.

What do you get if you cross a Buddhist monk and a 16 year old blonde cheerleader?

Arrested for procurement of a minor. Trust me on this one.

Why couldn't you trust the king of the jungle?

He was a lion.

Why can you trust a musician?

Because he always gives sound advice. Ba dum tsss.

Why can you trust no one in the savannah?

Cause they be lion.

Why can you always trust Frankenstein's monster?

He's got somebody else's back, he could probably handle yours.

Why can't you trust a Lithium Ion battery?

Because they're always Li-ion!

What's the definition of "Trust"?

Two cannibals giving each other head

Why should you never trust advice from a group of gryphons?

Half of them are lyin'.

Why are atoms untrustworthy?

They make up everything. Credit to from an askreddit thread about what not to trust.

Why can't you trust anything MATTER says?

Because it makes up everything.

How did Chernobyl disaster happen ?

scientist A : Are you sure ? scientist B : Trust me, I know what i'm doing.

How do you know you can't trust doctors and lawyers?

Because they both "practice" their professions.

Why should you never trust atoms?

They make up everything.

Why did no one trust the dermatologist?

He kept making rash decisions.

What is the definition of trust?

Two cannibals giving each other a blow iob.

Why is it so easy to trust a hypochondriac?

Because none of their plans are ill-conceived.

Why can't you trust a snowman?

Because they're all a bunch of flakes

Why should you never trust a whale with your secrets?

They're huge blubbermouths.

What piece of furniture can you always trust?

A Reputable.

How can I trust you again?

H: She meant nothing to me! M: Not that. You bought lite sour cream!

Why can't you ever trust a cat?

Because they are always lion

Why wouldn't the pimp water his lawn?

He couldn't trust his hose.

Who came up with hugs?

The very first hug must have been really creepy. "What are you doing Why are you holding me " "Just trust me."

What's the opposite of quantum physics?

Logic. (If you don't like physics jokes, just keep movin') ...(if you don't like math jokes, trust me, sometimes it makes a difference).

Why can't I trust my Walmart calculator?

It's always 7% off.

Why can you trust chocolate but not marshmallow?

Because chocolate doesn't make a peep.

What is the ultimate definition of trust?

Two cannibals going down on each other

When I lose faith in humanity, I think of Chili's just handing out sick, light-up beepers, trusting us to return them. And know what?

We do.

Why don't you trust me?

she texted both the guys simultaneously.

How Do they say "F**k You" in Hollywood?

Trust Me..."

Why would anyone trust Chewbacca to fly the millennium falcon?

He's such a wookie pilot. I had three Star Wars jokes prior to this. But none were any good.

Why should you never trust soap?

It's an emulsive lyer.

Why do they attach chains to their pens?

If I am trusting you with my money, you should trust me with your pens.

Why can't you trust a garbage man who loves his job?

Because he's always talking trash.

Why does that sign say Grand Canyon?

Are you sure this is the right way Lemming: Just trust me, ok

Which Kind Of Girls Wear Transparent Clothes?

Answer : "Those Girls Who Don't Trust The Imagination Power Of A Boy"

Why didn't you answer your home phone?

Because I'm walking the dog. Don't you trust me -Of course I trust you! Put the dog on the phone.

Why can you never trust a clumsy barista?

Because she's always spilling the beans!

Why shouldn't you trust big cats?

They are a bunch of lion cheetah pussies.

This joke may have profanity.

Why does the sun never set on the British Empire?

Because God wouldn't trust an Englishman in the dark!

Why should you never trust a one armed philosophy professor?

He never mentions "on the other hand"

Why should you never trust a noodle?

Because they're in-pastas.

Why can't you ever trust pillowcase salesmen?

Because it might be a *sham*

Why can't you trust snakes ?

They speak with forked tongues !

Why can you trust a coffee roaster?

Because he never spills the beans :-)

Why can you always trust a bee without wings?

Because it's down to earth.

Why did everyone trust the marsupial?

Everything he said was troo

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Atom Jokes More Atom Jokes

What kind of fish is made of just two atoms?

2 Na

Why did the atoms cross the road?

It was time to split.

Siamese Jokes More Siamese Jokes

Why did the Siamese twins move to England?

So the one on the right could drive for a change.

What did the Siamese twins from Iowa tell their date?

It's February 1st. You going to caucas or not

Die Jokes More Die Jokes

What happens in a battle between storm troopers and red shirts?

Star Trek) The storm troopers all miss, and the red shirts all die

What's the difference between a small child and a gorilla?

People actually care if a gorilla dies.

Adam Jokes More Adam Jokes

What did Adam say to Eve on Christmas?

It's Christmas, Eve.

What did Adam say to Eve on the day before Christmas?

It's Christmas, Eve."

Chain Jokes More Chain Jokes

What's the difference between a bIack guy and a bike?

A bike doesn't start singing when you put chains on it.

Why do black people wear lots of chains?

It's a habit that stuck from when they were slaves.

Lenin Jokes More Lenin Jokes

Why can you never trust a car made in the Soviet Union?

They keep Lenin to the left, and Stalin.

What was Lenin's favourite film?

Tsar Wars episode III: Revenge of the scythe.

Car Jokes More Car Jokes

Why did Heisenberg remove the speedometer from his car?

So he would stop getting lost everything he checked it.

What's the difference between tired and exhausted?

When you run in front of a car you get tired. When you run behind a car you get exhausted.

Answer Jokes More Answer Jokes

When someone ask me... How are you?

I answer back... You mean in bed

Whats in the middle of girl's leg ?

And the answer is, 'Knee'