What do you usually find with four Catholics?

A fifth.

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Why can't blondes finish software updates?

They can never find the "any" key.

What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches long has a head on it and that women love so much that they often blow it?

A: a $20 bill

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Why are Catholics the worst drivers?

They always pull out at the last second (usually to avoid a child).

What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A roamin Catholic

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How do you get four old ladies to say the F word?

Have the fifth one say.... BINGO!

How many black Oscar nominees would it take (compared to white nominees) to satisfy the boycotters?

Three-fifths as many seems like a generous offer.