What does it take to be a president of Russia?

Be a Viktor, then you are Devinitely In

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What would you call a nine day old dog in Russia?

A puppy.

Why can't Edward leave Russia this winter?

He'll be Snowden.

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What do you get when you elect Bernie Sander's son as president?

A son Bern

What's one profession that doctors, lawyers, even the king of Saudi Arabia and the presidents of the USSR and US bow their heads to?

Barbers.