What's a metaphor?

Winning the game tournament!

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What do cubs fans do after they win the world series?

They turn off their Xbox.

What's better than winning a silver in the paralympics?

Being able to walk.

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Why is it so hard to explain metaphors to a kleptomaniac?

Because they always take things... Literally

Why don't kleptomaniacs understand metaphors?

Because they take everything, literally.