How does a snail win a race?

It runs against Hillary.

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Snail Jokes More Snail Jokes

What did the snail say when he hitched a ride on the turtle?

A. Wheeeee!!!!!

Why did the snail draw an "S" on the side of his car?

So that when he drove by people could say, "Look at that escargot!"

Win Jokes More Win Jokes

Why can't Bernie Sanders win the election?

Because 12 year olds can't vote. Edit: I'm actually somewhat of a Bernie supporter, I'm just joking about how he has a lot of youth backing him.

What do you call girls that have a chance of winning?

Chicken Tenders.

Hillary Jokes More Hillary Jokes

What do Hillary and Monica have in common?

They both blew it.

Why won't Hillary ever pull out?

She's never finished screwing people.

Run Jokes More Run Jokes

Why did the necromancer fail to meet his quarterly sales goal?

He ran his business on a skeleton crew.

What is a man's ultimate shame?

When he runs into a wall with a hard-on and grabs his nose first!

Race Jokes More Race Jokes

Why are germans so bad at marathons?

Because they cant finish a race.

Why did the paralympic athlete loose the race?

He didn't start off with the right foot. EDIT: Ortography