What's the hardest thing about having a colostomy bag?

Finding shoes to go with it.

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What do you do when you find Michael J. Fox in your hot tub?

Add your laundry.

What time zone are you in when you find a sheep stuck in a fence?

Mountin' time

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What do you get when you put a tomato in your mothers shoe?

A spanking

How do you know when an introvert is interested in you?

They are looking at your shoes, rather than their own.

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What is the hardest thing about learning to ride a bicycle?

The road.

What is the hardest thing about walking through a field of dead babies?

My erection.