What would you like today?

Me: Make me look attractive. Barber: CAROL! CANCEL ALL MY APPOINTMENTS!

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Look Jokes More Look Jokes

What's it called when you go around looking for stuff to buy that's made in America?

Antiquing.

Why are you being so salty?

Her response - with a flat, even look: "I've been well seasoned." I lost it

Like Jokes More Like Jokes

What kind of house does cheese like to live in?

A cottage"

What did the plant say to the other plant that it really liked alot?

let me be your *soil*mate

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

How woke?

Me: We're putting Harriet Tubman on something that enslaves us all today.

What came in the mail today?

Anthrax.

Cancel Jokes More Cancel Jokes

Why is it spelled 'cancelled' in the UK, but 'canceled' in the US?

Because the US gave the UK that L back in 1776.

Why is it "canceled" in America, but "cancelled" in England?

Because we gave them that L in 1776.

Barber Jokes More Barber Jokes

What did the hair stylist do when the Beach Boys came on?

The barber ran

What's one profession that doctors, lawyers, even the king of Saudi Arabia and the presidents of the USSR and US bow their heads to?

Barbers.

Carol Jokes More Carol Jokes

What do crack addicts sing while caroling?

All I Want for Christmas is my two front teeth!

What would you like today?

Me: Make me look attractive. Barber: CAROL! CANCEL ALL MY APPOINTMENTS!