When people say 'oh, you're still single?

I like to reply with 'wow, you're still married ' I'm popular.

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What do Green Eggs and Ham, and Fifty Shades of Gray have in common?

They both encourage people who can barely read to try new things.

Why do people always talk in absolutes?

I would never do that. It's the worst.

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How does Han Solo like to get around Endor?

Ewoks

Why do cats like to hear other cats make noise?

A: It's meow-sic to their ears!

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Why did the hunter scold his blonde wife after she shot a moose over quota?

Cause when he asked her why she shot it, she replied: "I asked it what it was before I shot. But that cow wasn't gonna fool me!"

What would your parents say if I called them?

I replied, "Hello "