When people say 'oh, you're still single?

I like to reply with 'wow, you're still married ' I'm popular.

Why do polish people all have ski at the end of their name? Because they can't spell toboggan.

What do you call someone who pushes people down stairs?

A stairorist.

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What did the hamburger say when it found out that most people liked hamburgers better than frankfurters?

Hot dog!'

Why was the hipster wearing a scarf during the summer?

He liked wearing scarves before it got cool.

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How can I buy the New York Times?

He replies "Ask my wife. She'll tell you how you do it.

What did one Buddhist Master give to the child for his birthday?

Nothing wrapped in Emptiness. How did the birthday child respond? You are thoughtless for giving me this meaningless gift. To which the Buddhist Master replied, "Thank you."