Why Do Philosophers Have Such Good Teeth?

Because they philos all the time!

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Which his guide had proposed to climb. - Do people tumble down often here?

No, the guide said, one time is usually enough.

What did Einstein's dad say when he published his theory of relativity?

Damn, son. It's about time!

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How do philosophers shave off their beards?

Occam's razor

What did the philosopher say to his coworker?

Cleanup on the detergent aisle"